Do I want to ever get married again?
Lots of people have asked me that: men and women, married and single, hopeful and discouraged.
I don’t know. That was the original plan, the happily-ever-after beginning. Reality, however, doesn’t much compare with the fairy tale. In reality – mine and my friends’, Prince Charming can be a workaholic, an alcoholic, disinterested, a selfish or lazy lover, boring, irritating, compulsive, abusive, unfaithful, or just plain psycho.

Lately the people who have discouraged me the most from the idea of another marriage are my married friends. I have become a reference source of therapist and lawyer phone numbers. I have encouraged friends to call their doctor for a prescription. I have poured many glasses of wine for women weary of working so hard on their marriage. Shouldn't it be easier?

I suppose I was ahead of the curve in my generation as far as getting divorced is concerned. Perhaps that’s why I have never dated a guy in his forties – only 50’s and 30’s mostly. Guys my age are all still married. My ex-husband was a visionary in that regard. He saw what was coming and cut to the chase. I recently thanked him for that. It took courage to leave, but we neither one were happy. I don’t know if that would have changed. We’re even friends now, much better than we ever were married. Yesterday would have been our 19 year wedding anniversary. We agreed it was a fine occasion to exchange gift bottles of wine. I find that wine improves many situations – provided you don't drink the whole thing yourself.

So I guess I would consider marriage if I met Prince Charming, but I haven’t met him yet. I'm not waiting to be saved from anything. A wise friend of mine who has one of the best marriages I know said to me long ago, “If you are looking for Mr. Right, you will find him. But if you are looking for Mr. Perfectly Right, you will end up lonely.” I don’t mean to be picky, but I’m not going to settle.

I don’t think that marriage in and of itself will bring anyone happiness. If I really wanted to be married again, I could have already done that. I have had a couple of serious offers. But I believe marriage should improve my life, not make it harder. Maybe that is idealistic thinking. Maybe that is why I am single. Everyone, especially once you get midway through life, comes with baggage. Some baggage is heavy and doesn’t even have wheels on the bottom. My baggage I think is at least a matched set. I have my own shit to wrestle with. I don’t want to carry too much of someone else’s. There are a helluva lot of advantages to being single. I’m not sure I want to give any of them up.

Bottom line is that I don’t know what lies in store for me. I thought I did, but really no one does. The future is wide open. That’s a bit of a thrill, isn’t it?