I wrote this on my way back from San Diego in early June, but wanted to share it with you before it gets lost in my laptop.

I am squished against a window in a Southwest plane with an aching butt, I’m sure swollen ankles, and a gas problem that I’m going to have to act on soon. I shouldn’t’ve had that burrito in the airport. I don’t mind disturbing Peggy who is sitting in the friendly seat next to me. She’s just reading “The DaVinci Code,” but the lady next to her has out her laptop and is working on some sort of presentation that looks like real work with outlines and pie charts.

At least the crying baby has recovered his composure. From where I sit, it looks like the young dad managing the child has no woman with him. I felt like going up to him and handing him my driver’s license and asking if I could walk with the child up and down the aisle. But the child looks a bit too old to go with a stranger. I just had to grin and bear it like everyone else. If I was right behind them, I could, as I have done before, have made a puppet out of the barf bag. That’s always fun. And if you put some chewed gum inside, squish it and pull it back open, it looks like stalactites and stalagmites. I have traveled with children before. This guy looks like a novice.

Booking a direct flight from San Diego to Baltimore sounded like a great idea. I was really looking forward to being forced to sit for 5 hours. I wouldn’t have to get up to change the laundry or help with homework or fix dinner or clean up something my cat killed. All I had to do was read my travel magazine, “Cosmopolitan,” sleep, and maybe write. Well, I read the Cosmo on the way out here. I’ve slept off all the weekend activities and I played a few rounds of Spider Solitaire until I finally won one. Now a layover in Detroit or Dallas sounds like the perfect chance to stretch my legs. I’m always worried that my luggage won’t make the connection though. I like my luggage to stay on one plane after the incident in the Cancun airport.

There has been some turbulence, so the Captain kept on the fasten seatbelt sign. But now we are “free to move about the cabin.” Right. I can barely wiggle my feet. We were reminded about the “no congregating around the lavatory” rule three times already. I guess I could climb over everyone and pace up and down the aisle as long as I don’t stop near the lavatory. I’m actually going to need to make a stop there soon. I am in the “hope you have a big bladder” seat. This has been a long flight. Enough is enough.

Computer lady has gotten up. Now’s my chance.