On a cross country flight, you simply cannot avoid at least one trip to the lavatory. “Lavatory” must be a Latin derivation for “wash room.” The only place I ever hear the word is in planes and by old high school teachers. On a long flight, I think it is probably best to use the lavatory during the first half of the trek, primarily for olfactory reasons. I always plan on a bit of clean up first. I always wish that I had brought some handi-wipes for better disinfecting.

I don’t know how some of my fellow passengers manage the cramped quarters of the airplane lavatory. The target presented by the stainless steel bowl seems smaller and lower for most men than the standard bowl, which is why I always have to clean up. There are some big fellas on the plane who must be operating blind in that little facility. I am reminded of the scene from “Tommy Boy” with Chris Farley in an airplane bathroom.

I’ve heard that this is the place for the “Mile High Club” but do not find that adventure appealing in the least. I guess with two very skinny people it would be technically possible, but I can’t quite imagine the logistics of it. There are several places that I’d rather not let any of my skin come in direct contact with in this tiny room with little soundproofing. eeww. I suppose I could consider that venture in a private jet. Short of that, I am content to leave that item on the list unchecked. (Do you have a list like that or is it just me?)

The little sink is always a challenge too – I mean for hand washing. You do get about a 5 second spray of water to actually rinse both hands together. It is difficult to wash one hand at a time. By mid to late flight, the “trash can” is full. I hate to have to touch the flap door after I’ve already washed. I’m really not OCD, but I am aware of germs.

Then there is the exit from the closet washroom. You know on a fully booked flight that someone is watching the lights to see when the seat is available for them. Your exit will be noted by at least one person who will attribute whatever smells are left behind to you. At least people aren’t allowed to congregate by the doors anymore. I always smirk sarcastically when the attendant comes on the PA and says we are “free to move about the cabin.”

I’ve never flown first class. I wonder if the personal facilities are any better. I wonder if it is worth the extra expense. It just might be.