There’s an orgy in my backyard of perfect hard bodies. Why is it that the Barbies can’t keep their clothes on? The orgy of Barbies in my shower looks like the United Nations. Since they started the “Princess of Many Lands” series we have the palest, Princess Ireland, to the darkest, Princess Nigeria and every shade in between, from Japan, India, the Netherlands, and of course, Malibu.

But these Barbies are really slutty. Just today I was driving with my 8 year old and her friend in the back seat. The girls were giggling and I did a quick check to see the mischief. The topless Barbie was flashing the passing drivers. Can you imagine?!

I’m not sure of the sexual orientation of these chicks. There was only one naked man among them – and it wasn’t Ken. I hear he and Barbie split up. But this new guy has a couple or three missing parts. He’s apparently a eunuch. You know those guys make great girlfriends. Barbie has had a few things waxed and airbrushed anyway, so they make a good pair. So I’m not sure about the naked thing. But those pale skins must have a great built-in sun protection factor. The sluttiest is Barbie’s cousin, Bratz who keeps her go-go boots on during the orgy.

Once a few years ago I got an e-mail about the Barbies that didn’t make it to market, like Burka Barbie. I’d like to see a Barbie with stretch marks or slightly saggy breasts. How about Cellulite Barbie? Or a Barbie with a tattoo? I’d be content with a size 12 Barbie with flat feet. What Barbie would you like to see?