Do you know the moves to the Sprinkler Dance? In my neighborhood, many of the residents have the sophisticated in-ground sprinklers. They also have lush green lawns. Mine looks like shredded wheat.

When my daughter was in kindergarten, she strayed barefooted into the neighbor’s yard and came back over to me wide-eyed.
“Mommy, have you ever walked on Bob’s grass? I didn’t know grass could be soft.”

I don’t have in ground sprinklers. I don’t have a lush green lawn. Once when I was married, my husband was bemoaning the embarrassing state of our yard. I insisted that ours was not the worst grass in the neighborhood. He begged to differ. On almost a dare, we went on a walk through the neighborhood in search of a yard in worse shape than ours. He was right. I was wrong.

My lawn mower guy says his crews refer to my yard as the “dust bowl.”

So I try to use the sprinkler, but I always have to do the Sprinkler Dance. Do you know it? It might only be for those of us who have the oscillating old fashioned sprinkler like I have. I selected that model because it is the most fun to run through. First, I place it on the far edge of my yard – as far as the hose will reach. I turn on the water and watch. Inevitably, the water is falling too much into the street or too much on the porch. So I have to time my dash in with the oscillation to reposition it before it oscillates back into me. Then I watch the water pattern and repeat as necessary. After a few minutes I have to reposition the sprinkler to get the other parts of the yard. I could turn off the water, but how boring would that be?

Have you seen those huge farm crop sprinklers? When I was driving to the airfield in Laurel, Delaware, I had to pass a cornfield being watered with one of those giant suckers. I had my window down and was talking on the cell phone. I realized that the spray of water exceeded the edge of the field. I couldn’t react fast enough to avoid a pretty good douse. I guess farmers don’t do the Sprinkler Dance.

In these hot mornings when Anne & I walk, we sometimes lean through the spray of our neighbor’s fancy sprinkler systems. Now and then I catch another neighbor standing, usually with hands on hips watching the sprinkler. I know they are planning their next move. The Sprinkler Dance is not so difficult that it warrants the investment of a sprinkler system. My lawn is better than is has been in the past, but no one would accuse me of having the nicest lawn in the neighborhood.