I wish you could have been there.

I am so glad I went to the Rally for Sanity this past weekend - me and over 200,000 other sane individuals. Well, I'll use the word "sane" loosely.

The signs were hilarious - worth the travel hassles. There were political signs: "No Nukes", "Thank you 4 Health Care", "Pro-Choice because politicians make crappy doctors", "Separation of Corporation and State", and of course, "Legalize Pot."

There were many relating to Fox News: "Fox News stop scaring Grandma & Grandpa!", "Restore Sanity: Cancel Fox News" and my favorite was a guy dressed as a giant whoopee cushion with a sign that said "Squeeze me to hear the latest from Glenn Beck."

There were signs about Jon Stewart & Stephen Colbert: "Jon Stewart for President", "Jon Stewart for moderator of 2012 presidential debate," and "Team Fear".

There were signs mocking the extremist on the right: "Not to angry to spellcheck", "Actually I'm quite content", "The kids are going to be alright" and "Jesus was a socialist."

Then there were the sillier signs: "This is a good sign", "I love bacon", "I come to rallies for the chicks", "My arm is falling off" and a little sign that said "I fear big signs"

The line to get on the metro in the morning wrapped around the parking garage. The trains were packed. The cell phone service collapsed on the mall. People were climbing into trees and onto the porta-potties for a better view. My view wasn't great, but here are some things I got on with my phone. I got some video with my phone, but blogger isn't letting me upload it. I'll try in a separate post.

(Speaking of negative male stereotypes...)
I dedicate this to all my couple friends because, well, it's Wednesday.

Have you heard this one?

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him......

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I love living in a time in America when everyone is saying the phrase "stimulus package." I always grin - and most often keep my comments to myself.

So I was squeezing a run through a McDonald's drive-thru between a late audition for Alice in Wonderland and a science fair project assembly (due in the morning and my printer's all smeary!) I ordered myself a grilled Chipotle BBQ snack wrap, tea for Peggy, and sundaes for our girls in the back seat.

I rounded the corner as instructed and pulled up to the first window to pay when the clerk asked, "Do you know who you look like?"

Have you ever been asked that? Who do people tell you that you look like? When I was younger, I was pleased to hear Goldie Hawn. I haven't heard that in decades though. Someone told me I looked like a character on the show Boston Public, but I've never seen that show, so I didn't know if it was a compliment or not. I was wearing my rectangular, black-framed glasses that I wear especially for night driving, so I was running through who it might be when he said...

"You look like Michelle Obama."
what?!
"No one's ever said that to me before," I replied. I sat up taller, smiled, and said thank you.

I turned to Peggy and gave her a fist bump, told Malia and Sasha to settle down in the back seat, and decided that I must really buy a purple dress. I decided he meant that I looked powerful, or smart.

I drove away and unwrapped my snack wrap. It was crispy ranch. I wasn't surprised.

My dear friend Julie is here for a visit. To prepare for her visit, I had to clean out the arts and crafts cabinet enough to clear off the dining room table so we could put out a jigsaw puzzle. I love jigsaw puzzles. They are a great conversation enhancer.

We have a few days, so I put out 1000 piece garden puzzle. But this time I have an added challenge I hadn't counted on: kittens. They think it is for them. And they like those pieces to be free and off the table. We've taken to putting a towel over the puzzle when we take a break. I've been down on the floor with a flashlight, fishing pieces out of the air register.

My ten year old just says whatever pops into her mind.

A couple days ago, in my lap, she put both hands by the part in my hair and bent my head down so she could get a closer look.
"Mommy," she nearly gasped, "do you dye your hair?"
"Yes I do."
"Do you dye your roots?" she asked with instructive ridicule.
I explained how dye jobs grow out, exposing undyed roots.
"Well, there's gray in there!" she pointed out with restrained alarm.

You should see my new hairdo. I told my beloved, tattooed, alpaca-farming hairdresser that I was bored of my hair. I'm certainly not now! I'm sure you'll catch a glimpse of it on Mark's blog next week.


Last month, my ten year old asked my ex-husband and my boyfriend if they were going to arm wrestle. No sense ignoring an elephant in the room.

Why did the chicken cross the road?




BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me...

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to th e other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra... #R&^*^(!.... Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Here's one of my favorite jokes that I get periodically via e-mail forwards. Can you post one of your favorites in the comments? It's April Fool's Day. Make me laugh!


A woman was driving through Arizona on a long stretch of highway through the desert and stopped to inquire if an old Navajo woman wanted a ride. The gray hair woman nodded gratefully and asked what was in the bag on the front passenger seat.

"Oh, that's a bottle of whiskey I got for my husband," the woman explained as she cleared her seat for her passenger.

The Navajo woman smiled and said, "Good trade."

Another sweaty attic improvement shift has produced some archival treasures. I found my 8th & 9th grade yearbooks, and various old snapshots that are an interesting comment on the pre-digital days of photography.

The first inscription in my 9th grade yearbook is from someone named Karen who I'm not sure if I remember. She wrote,
"It was nice knowing you in school, but it was kind of weird..."

Some of the signatures admonish me to remember cryptic, inside jokes that must've been funny 28 years ago.

"We really should get together and make another Hoffman cake sometime."
"We finally got rid of Mims & Zocks, but look at all the trouble you got into with Duck."
"Too bad I had to hear all your stories from Ann-Margaret, Mary, & Sange. They really gave me a bad impression of you!"
"Remember the tin soldier and 'Where's your passport?'"

I see I haven't grown up at all in 28 years.

I was reading "Traveling Mercies" by Anne Lamott while waiting for my maintenance check-up on my Prius in a waiting room of all women. It occurs to me that auto mechanics would have an easy time meeting women.

Anyway, three of the waiting women were deep in an animated conversation about Christmas shopping and the pathetic stories on some scandal courtroom show playing for our unnecessary entertainment. I had planned ahead and was looking forward to 45 minutes of reading time, although the cheerful women and sorry stories unraveling on the little television were quite distracting.

I am reading a book I selected from my shelf full of books loaned and passed to me by friends who thought I would like this one. It's a shelf teeming with "ought-to-reads." This particular book first belonged to my friend Julie, who wrote in the margins and highlighted several passages. It is like the old days of book club, "hearing" her comments and reactions.

I am loving this book. In fact I snort-laughed at one point in the waiting room, causing a flicker in the room's conversation. I can't quote a short passage because you wouldn't have the momentum that builds to a snort.

I love snort-laughter. When was the last time you laughed that well?