Have you ever felt just a little off-balance?
Now that I am in this one-legged phase of life, I am finding the metaphor unavoidable.
I was feeling quite grounded in my life when my divorce metaphorically knocked me off balance. During that time I spent a lot of time on my couch, self-medicating, and relying on the kindness of my friends and the cooperation of my children. After more than four years, I was feeling increasingly stronger, perhaps more balanced than ever before.
And then I stood up at the wrong time on a boat. The moment I stood up, I had no concern for my safety, I was having fun. I was simply moving to a different vantage point. I never even saw how it exactly happened, but in a second, all my attention diverted to a small section of my body. I knew when I saw my foot pointing in the wrong direction that things were going to be different for quite while. All my plans were ruined. Even though I was literally being held close by a kind friend, I knew that life was going to be dramatically different than I planned. I yearned for oblivion, to sleep through the beginning of the healing time. I have clocked a lot of hours on this damn couch. I have been relying on the kindness of friends and the cooperation of my children.
Bones mend easier than hearts, but the healing process is still grueling. It is such a small portion of my body that is incapacitated, probably less than 5%. But that small portion has thrown everything off balance. True balance requires your full effort
When I am finally able to put weight on that leg again (20 more days)I will be far from balanced. Already my underused leg is obviously wasting. Atrophy is so unattractive, not to mention debilitating. To regain my balance, I will have to work hard, be deliberate, push myself. I have read of the dangers of doing too much too soon, how it can be detrimental to recovery.
Have you ever felt your feet knocked out from under you? What aided your return to balance?
Big Changes
7 years ago
7 comments:
Slightly off topic - but not much (I hope)...
I understand that the process of dealing with divorce can be like grieving for a death. So, on the topic of balance, how long did it take you to get to the point when you were able to look back with fond memories on your marriage? As someone who has not been through that (but has dealt with death) I'm just wondering.
I have had many points in my life when I have felt off balance--my divorce being the hardest to deal with. I think having absolutely fabulous friends helped me get it together. :-)
And, just not liking the feeling of not being "together" made me want to get back on track faster.
I also believe it is like mourning. It takes time.
I am sorry that you are feeling unbalanced right now, and I hope things get bak on track for you soon. You are an incredible woman, so I have no doubt that you will!!
Love to you.
You can teeter a bit when a child is diagnosed with a developmental delay.
It is the off balance moments of life that shape us so profoundly. They define us. I have watched your journey and stepped into with you many times and yes, there were moments that I felt your lack of balance but it is only part of the dance and sometimes that part of the dance is the most beautiful...authentic and honest.
I have loved dancing with you my off balance friend....I don't know if I have ever been balanced. I am working on it but don't know if I will ever get there.
I'm with Julie. I can't say that I've ever been really balanced. I have had moments of feeling balanced but they're usually short-lived. But then when I think about it I've never felt all that balanced when I'm dancing either, but I certainly enjoy it!
Wow,you guys are good!
In my divorce, jm, it took me a while before I spoke about good times with my kids. But over the 20 years together, we have a lot of shared stories. Over time, the good ones do get remembered too. I don't want them to think there was nothing good there. There were good times and hopefulness.
Balance, I learned in yoga, takes concentration and, like Candy & Julie said, is only fleeting. I like the dance too.
I'm sure it's not an accident that yoga deals with balance so much. All the principles of balance: realizing it's not stagnant, it's ever moving, focusing, keeping strong, keeping awareness of the breath and relaxing when it gets difficult, they all give us so many clues as to how to live our lives. Sometimes in class I'll say, "think about how you react when the pose gets difficult, do you bail out? do you clench and hold on for dear life? or do you go with the flow, realizing that sometimes it's meant to be difficult because that's how we learn to let go and let the balance hold us?"
I fell off a ladder a couple years ago and severely sprained my ankle. I really got faced with a dose of my own medicine! I had to overcome my impatience to get back on my feet, I had to overcome my own sense of self importance because my students needed me, I had to learn that sometimes you have to let go, and I had to understand that you don't get to dictate the time period, only God does. I repeated to myself over and over. "How long will I allow myself to heal and take it easy? For as long as it takes, for as long as it takes..." Same with emotional time outs..."for as long as it takes, for as long as it takes" Rushing the process actually makes it last longer--I unfortunately learned this the hard way many times.
We are with you. You can lean on us and we will help you balance. And then you will stand tall on your own, just like you have before.
Namaste' L
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